Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
