Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
