I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Semen is not good for contacts.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
