His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
