look no pants
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
