Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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