How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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