you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
