literally had 100 drinks last night.
I cannot find my penis.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
