Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
