Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
