she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I FOUND THE LEGS
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