I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
