I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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