sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
