Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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