My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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