did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
