Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
