You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
