Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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