if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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