imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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