hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
