physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
