forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
