I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
