Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
