im drinking this country out of the recession.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
