Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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