Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
