he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
