oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
