my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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