i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
