My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
