You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
