plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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