i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
NoShamevember. You game?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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