After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
