You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
