a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
