Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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