"it" just moved
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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