i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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