also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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