Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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