I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
