i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
