hell yes lets make some ravioli
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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