sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
