oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
