I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
